"I Don’t Hate School—I Just Hate Feeling Stupid”: Why Emotional Safety Should Be Your #1 Teaching Priority

A student once told me, “I don’t hate school—I just hate feeling stupid.” I remember exactly where we were standing in my classroom, and I remember exactly how my heart sank.

Because he wasn’t wrong. And if I’m being completely honest, it made me wonder how many of my students felt exactly the same way—silently struggling, not because they couldn’t learn, but because they felt unsafe, misunderstood, or inadequate every single day.

Maybe you’ve felt this too. You pour energy into lesson plans, carefully crafted goals, and curriculum standards. You spend weekends grading papers and evenings planning assessments. Yet something still isn’t clicking, especially for your neurodiverse students. It’s not your effort or their ability—it’s something deeper. It's emotional safety.

Students Don’t Fail Because They Hate School

No student walks through the door planning to fail. They disconnect because the classroom feels emotionally unsafe. For neurodiverse learners especially, school can feel like a minefield. Lights that trigger headaches. Sounds that overwhelm. Expectations they can’t consistently meet, no matter how hard they try.

When students don’t feel emotionally safe, they shut down. They disengage. They stop asking for help because they’re tired of feeling misunderstood. And when that happens, academics simply don’t matter.

Signs Your Classroom Might Not Feel Emotionally Safe (and What You Can Do)

It’s subtle. Maybe your student keeps their hoodie up, head down. Maybe they withdraw, refuse assignments, or avoid eye contact. Maybe they're labeled as “defiant” or “unmotivated.” Sound familiar?

I’ve been there. My first year teaching, I had a student (let’s call him Jimmy) who was chronically disengaged—hoodie on, head down, every day. Everyone had advice like “that’s just how he is.” But it wasn't until I realized Jimmy was struggling with fluorescent lighting causing migraines that I finally understood the real problem.

So I brought in floor lamps and strung up softer lights. A simple shift. And guess what? Jimmy started engaging more. He talked to classmates, turned in assignments, and even smiled sometimes. Here’s the kicker: my headaches improved too. Emotional safety isn’t just a student issue—it’s a human issue.

Three Simple Ways to Prioritize Emotional Safety Immediately

If you want your classroom to be a place where students feel emotionally safe and valued, here’s where you start:

1. Support Individual Needs:

Remember Jimmy? Sometimes emotional safety comes down to practical solutions—lighting, noise reduction, or flexible seating. Supporting sensory and emotional needs transforms the learning experience.

2. Model Emotional Literacy:

The most powerful lesson you’ll ever teach is how to name and manage emotions. Saying things like, “I’m frustrated—let me pause and breathe for a second” teaches students they can do the same. Emotional literacy normalizes self-awareness.

3. Set Flexible Goals & Expectations:

Rigid goals often create pressure, anxiety, and a sense of failure. Flexible goals acknowledge that success isn’t linear. Prioritizing emotional well-being can actually improve academic outcomes. It’s not about lowering standards—it’s about personalizing them.

Why Emotional Safety Is Essential—Not Optional

It’s not optional, it’s foundational. Before a student can learn, they have to feel emotionally safe enough to even try. Small shifts in your classroom routines, environment, or communication can transform your students’ experiences and your own teaching practice.

Here’s the exciting part: I believe in this so deeply that I created an entire framework called the S.H.I.F.T. Method™, designed specifically to help educators redefine success and prioritize emotional safety in classrooms. I’m pouring everything I’ve learned, every success story and practical strategy, into my upcoming book, Redefining Success: Shifting the Education System to Support Neurodiverse Learners.

Because every student deserves more than to survive—they deserve to thrive. And teachers, you deserve to feel effective, empowered, and energized in your classrooms again.

If you're ready to shift how you measure success and start prioritizing emotional safety, stay tuned. More details coming soon, and trust me—you don’t want to miss this.

In the meantime, start small. Just one simple shift could change everything.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. What’s one small thing you’ll do differently tomorrow to help your students feel emotionally safe? Drop your ideas below, or let’s talk more on Instagram!